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WALMART DIAGNOSTIC COMPUTER

One day, in line at the cafeteria, Bob says to Stanley
behind him, “My elbow
hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.”
“Listen, you don’t have to
spend that kind of money,” Stan replies. “There’s a
diagnostic computer
down at WalMart. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer’ll tell you
what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten
seconds and costs ten
dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and
takes it to WalMart. He
deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and
asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the
computer ejects a printout:
“You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water
and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks.”

That evening while thinking how amazing this new
technology was, Jack began
wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed
some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and
masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Bob
hurries back to WalMart,
eager to check the results.
He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and
waits. The computer
prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal
shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into
rehab…
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours.
Get a lawyer.
5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow
will never get
better.

Thank you for shopping at WalMart.